I GOT A B~

i got a b~ i got a b~ i got a B~ yay~ omgsh im really really really really really really~ happy~. i got a b~ its not an A. BUT ITS A B!!!! whew. sociology was taking a toll on my life actually. it was so chaotic but now its over and I GOT A B~ WHEEEE~. =D
but now the year is comming to an end. looking back there are something i would love to remember but alot of things i love to forget. this year passed by so quickly but somewhat meaninglessly. next year, i have to make it a little bit more memorable. aja aja fighting! =D
i got my planner. yay! finally.yesterday i went with my sis to flushing and we were just picking up a few thing...including my pencil case and planner. yay!
starting today, i currently have 29 days until SATS. >.< I'm a little worried but I'm not really making an effort to study. you know the penthouse in Manhattan doesn't really appeal to me. I'd rather live a fulfilling life than live a life where i have an nice apartment and a great career.
i received my creative zen a couple days ago...omgsh its...beautiful when it wants to function but omgsh i hate it when the LCD starts to malfunction. I'm returning it and demanding a f-ing new one. -.-

Junior Year Goals

I really should've done this in the beginning of the year, but I was too lazy so I'm going to make it now.
GOALS FOR JUNIOR YEAR 07-08

1.Have at least a cumulative average of 87+ this year.
2.Make starter for Girls Fencing.
3.Get above an 75 in the chemistry regents.
4.Get above an 81 in the MATH B regents.
5.Pass MATH THIS YEAR
6.Take at least 3 APs next year.
7.IMPROVE IMPROVE IMPROVE!

Metamorphsis

I think its about time I changed. I want to be more organized, healthy, less lazy, smarter and most of all I want to improve.
What do you think? Can I do it?
I think it is right. I want to be an uptight bitch. ^^
The first thing I need to work on...
1.Grades
The most improtant thing I need to work on are my grades. I just so happens I got eveything above an 85 with the exception of math (60) and science. I REALLY REALLY REALLY NEED TO WORK ON MY MATH GRADE. For math I understand it, but no matter how much I pratice my teachers grading methods is what is messing me up. By the end of this year I want to get at least a B+ to A. (my mom says if I get a 95 and above I can get a ZUNE!) Math is just really killing me. Whenever I take his exams I get so nervous my mind goes blank. It's like the information I studied goes out the other ear. I really need to work hard to keep my math grades up. AND CHEMISTRY! I love chemistry because of the labs you do with the bunsan burners and the chemical elements. BUT I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND IT!!!!!!It's always been like this though. Ever since freshman year, I've always had trouble comprhending science. It truely is my worst subject. BUT I got an 80 on my last report card grade. YAY! *does a little dance around the room* I'm aiming for an 85 the next marking period. Everything else is fine. I want to take at least 3 APS next year. AND THIS YEAR...I AM DEFINITILY NOT GOING TO GET BARRED FROM THE MATH B REGENTS!

2.Organization
I think the reason I get these grades is because of my lack of organization. When it comes to dates and times and schedules I just don't follow what's on the paper. (schedule)I think that is why I'm always so lazy. I don't feel pressured to do things until the very last minitue. Example: I don't start on my homework until 10PM even then I'm talking to my friends while listening to music and doing other things besides my homework. Afterschool my schedule consisits of me eating a snack, then sleep for 3-4 hours, eat dinner, watch televison(it depends on what is on though, I watch House and Supernatural most of the times),go on AIM,facebook,myspace,wash dishes,put my little brother to bed,AND THEN do homework. By then it's already 10PM and when I'm finished I almost always have to study for exams and quizzes. That takes another two hours. Around 1AM in the morning I would be really tired and just want to go to sleep and I wouldn't even put that much effort into studying. And when I don't try; I DON'T GET THE GRADES I WANT!Lately I've been sleeping around 2Am because I don't do the things I need to get done early. BUT THE PROBLEM IS THAT I'M REALLY HORRIBLE AT ORGANIZATION!!!
>.> You should see my notes for sociology, they are all on looseleaf, not organized by dates, past assignments that I should've thrown out months ago. BUT it's an ORGANIZED MESS. I may ntot know where things are BUT I know they're in my folder. ^^

3.Health
Not only do I want to change my grades and be a little bit more organized, I also what to be healither. Not that I'm not healthy, but with an internal organ missing, it helps if I stay healthy. Originally I wanted to workout for at least 5 hours a week, but I would settle for at least 3.5 hours. ^^I want to imprve on my fencing skills, because I SUCK REALLY BAD!!!!My reflexes are so slow and my lunges are horrible. But I just don't want to improve my fencing skills, I want to start running on the treadmill and get a tone body before high school ends. My weight isn't that bad for the AVERAGE AMERICAN. BUT for an average asian...I think it's pretty horrible. I currently weight like about 120-124. It varies depending on the day and how much I ate. But I want to be below 120. It's proven that when excerising it relieves stress. And ESPECIALLY JUNIOR YEAR, IT GETS REALLY STRESSFUL!! Lately I've been taking meditative yoga with my sister and it really helps. It's so hard though expecially the one where you support your weight with your hands, which I haven't accomplished it yet BUT I will.=D

4.SATs
Scholoastic Aptitude something...otherwise know as college entrance exams. O.O *DUN DUN DUNNN* My goal is to get above an 1800. I'm not really setting a high goal just more of a realistic goal. I've taken past exams before, and I did really bad on them. >.< I have FOCUS on focusing in class. Why do teachers have to make lessons so boring? *yawn*

6.Wardrobe
I just though of adding this one in...=D My friend Jolie thinls I wear materinty clothes, THEY'RE called babydolls.>.> Anyways I'm looking to change my style. More sophisticated, BUT NOT UNCOMFORTABLE. Most clothes are anyways. >.> I want a pair OF BOOTS! T.T I'll probably never step foot outside the apartment and if I do I'll probably just trip to my death. ^^ ;

Do you think I setting unrealistic goals? I think I'm going to go though with this. Trust me. Out with the old Lisa, IN WITH THE NEW!

*EDIT I got an 80 in science, my overall average was 84.59. Just clarifying if anyone is confused.*
BTW BLOGGER IS BEING STUPID AND NOT DOING IT'S SPELL CHECK CORRECTLY. SO IGNORE ANY MISSPELLINGS

uncontrollable feeling.

whenever i am under alot of stress. there is this feeling of not being under control. its frightening at the same time i just want to go with the flow. right now i have this feeling of uncontrollibility.(is that a word?) and its scaring me so much. all i want to do it just make time stop for a little while. so that i can catch up. because everything is passing by so fast, and I'm really scared.
on a more morbid note, there are family issues that i really need to face. what i need right now is strength and the ability to make the right choices. I'm beginning to feel my life has had a drastic turn for the wrong way.
well..off to sleep

Avoidance?

Are you avoiding me?...because you read this post. When I see you...if I see you...I feel sad...yet when you're not there I feel empty. And I dont want to feel empty. I see you with other people. Not knowing whats going on yet afraid that if I talk to you; you might know...yea i like you...but i cant do anything about it.

to whom may it concern.

i like you. but i can't help it. i know you, but i cant love you. is it because you love someone else?
are you ever going to get over her? don't i have a place in your life? am i that meaningless that you would walk away from me? I've known you for so long but only just started liking you.
its eating me up inside and whenever you're near, my heart beats faster and faster. but what to do? i feel your friendship is much more important than my love. I'm not suppose to like you...but maybe one day you'll look at me like the way i look at you, but for now I'll just be distant and quiet.

Comparing

I can't help it. I have to compare. I was raised like that. Comparing with others. I blame my mom. When I see my friends courses, or what they're taking...I can't help but ask...why am not taking the same classes as them? Why are they taking more aps than me? While I am taking none. I feel..so embarrassed sometimes because I can't match up to their level. This always happens.It happened in middle school and also in elementary school. I feel that even if I work harder than them, they will always be further and reach higher than me.

omg so busy...

I am so busy today...but I have to post this poem up because its really good.
It's by my friend Nick. Read it! *one of my favorite poems by him. =D*

There's this girl that I wanted very much,
But afraid to hold, afraid to clutch,
Try to forget her, but I really cant,
Stuck in my mind, she implant.

There's this girl, that I wanted to hold,
To keep company with, whenever shes cold,
But I can't do it, I'm not ready yet,
Little did I know that later I'll regret.

Sooner or later, I have to ask,
Take off this pretending mask,
Sooner or later I have to tell,
The feeling I had for you, I can't expel.

Alas! On the day where I had my bravery,
Down came a terrible tragedy,
For in the newspaper I read,
That the girl I loved is dead...

Guilt and sorrow flood through my mind,
Asking myself, Why is God so unkind?
I finally came up with a decision,
No matter how hard, I try I will fulfill my perfect vision.

With my knife ready in one hand,
Ready for the pain, I will withstand,
A slash, a crash, and down I came,
Seems like my whole body is in flame.

My task is now accomplished,
My pain, my sorrow, all vanquished,
I followed you, till after death,
I loved you till my very last breath...

-Nick Choy

TO THE PERSON WHO IS PLAYING HIS F-ING STEREO WAYY TO F-ING LOUD!

OMFG SHUT THE FUCK UP. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT TIME IT IS? PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP!!!!!!!!!! SHUT YOUR FUCKING STEREO OFF ALREADY! WHO THE FUCK PLAYS IT SO LOUD DURING THE NIGHTTIME? ITS NOT EVEN GOOD MUSIC !!!!!SHUT UP ALREADY!!!!!!!!

"Top Friends"?

Just now I was wondering why everyone cares some much about "Top Friends". You see in on myspace and facebook. And lately it's just become really annoying. I mean now there is also competition between friends too? I think that is just messed up. I refuse to number my friends in the order that they are. I treat everyone of my friends with the same respect they treat me. I am their friends because I can talk to them the same why they talk to me. It's stupid to come up with idiotic idea such as "Top Friends".

4 day weekend yay!

=D It's a four day weekend. I am so happy. =D I can't stop smiling. =D Because it a 4 day weekend. =D omgsh I love vacations. =D So yea todays the first day of my weekend. Not doing much except sitting on my bed with my laptop staring out my window right now in the afternoon. It's really nice. I love my view. Although some people would say that it's a bad view of the parking lot. >.> I would say that it's a really nice view of the city. Because when I look up I see the clear blue sky. =D Even though today is a really nice day. I'd rather spend it inside with my laptop. =D That's because I love my Asian dramas. Today there are no worries except sitting on my bed and watching dramas on crunchyroll and veoh. =D

...6 years ago...

...It's been 6 years since it happened...I still remember the day it happened.

2100! That is my dream score. And I need to face reality...that I am not going to get a score that high! It's too tough. Yes, it is possible, I will need to sacrfice alot of things. Such as my friends, my social life, and my dramas. I am stressed about it, but I seem to make no effort to study or anything. Is it because, I'm lazy. But even if I try to make an effort, I will still not understand it.


...I'm stuck in a room with the walls closing in on me...

>.<...gahhhh

My mind is spinning, not in a good way. I feel like I'm going over the ledge of a big rollercoaster not knowing what happens next.
...I'm living it right now. What I have been imagining for the past 15 years...colleges, university, AP classes, SATs, classes. It's all happening, and as much as I really want to care right now...I feel stuck, like I'm here but no one is here to help me. so much pressure...and lately I've been having dreams...of me on the fire escape looking down and then falling...stress...gahhh it's getting to me...
Why do "we" live in a society where there is such competition?

Ugggh! Can't deal with it!

My dad hasn't come home in a week. It was yesterday when he came home. What is his problem? I know mom and dad are fighting but it's gone so out of control. When he does come home he comes home late at night areound 3 and he sleeps on the couch. It's so weird. What is going on? Is he cheating? Or is it because of his job? Why is he fighting with mom all the time? Is it because of financial problems? Or is it us? I hate it when there is so much questions and no answers. >.< All I want is my dad to call more often! Because when I call him he never answers! Is so stupid. Why is he playing at? Is he trying to get attention? I'm so confused and partly scared that he will divorce my mom. If that's true I'm more worried about how are we going to solve this problem financially.

T.T crying over Taiwan

T.T I miss Taiwan. T.T I miss my grandmother. T.T I miss my cousins. T.T I miss the night markets. T.T I miss the food. T.T I miss everything! T.T My mom called my nana today and I when I heard her voice I started bawling. I don't know all these emotions came out and I was crying and talking at the same time, like I couldn't get enough of her voice. I miss her so much. It happenes everytime she calls...I cry. When I leave Taiwan I cry. That is about the only time when I ever cry. Is when I leave my grandmother, or hear my grandmother's voice. It's unsusal its like my heart has the dropping feeling and like its about too break. It's what I try to avoid. But afterwards when she hangs up its like the feeling stays but this big pressure is lifted off my shoulders. I miss her so much. She raised me. I know my mom did. But she was with me since I was born. When I got my kidney removed. And I was crying nonstop. My grandmother was there the entire time holding me. I miss her. I miss her so much.

hairspray+big screen= BAD IDEA!!!

broadways shows should just stay on broadway and not on the big screen! geez the worse way possible to spend my 8.50!!! omgsh it was horrible harispray never watching it again never ever! >.<

Sleep Deprived.

Insomnia...is pissing me off. I can't sleep, I hardly eat...I really have no idea what is happening to me. It's is now 4:35 AM IN THE MORNING where everyone in the Tristate area is asleep. and here I am updating my blog... T.T the problem is that I can't sleep. I've been watching too much dramas lately to sleep. Wednesday I went to sleep at 6 in the morning and slept until 8 am. I ONLY GOT TWO HOURS OF SLEEP!!!! What is wrong with me??
SLEEP COME TO ME!!! SANDMAN WHY AREN'T YOU DOING YOUR WORK!!! I CAN'T SLEEP! ARE YOU SLEEPING ON YOUR JOB?!
I don't know where my sleeping problem lies. I know I've been staying up late watching dramas lately. But I already stopped. Lately my sister has been hogging the computer. >.> So why can't I get my sleeping pattern straight? I am considering sleeping pills at this point. I know I have Insomnia but I didn't think it would get this bad. This is getting out of control. Any Suggestions?

I miss...

I miss Taiwan. I want to go back. to see my grandparents. to see my family. to see ximending. to see Taipei, Bettou,Danshui. I want to see my cousins again. i want to see and shop and smell Taiwan. i loved it there and i want to go back. T.T

My first love.

I was standing in a room. There was water around me. and a runway. I was modeling. >.< class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">alot of skin. She was wearing a blue one piece and crying. Then the other people there called me. The two girls there needed me for something. I went to the bathroom with them and they need me to zip them up. So I did, then one of them accidentally sprayed me with water. My suit was showing stuff that wasn't suppose to show. And my friend was outside crying. I went to comfort her. I hugged her saying that It was okay. I was there. Everything was going to be alright. She didn't need to cry anymore. While I was hugging her and stroking her hair, people were staring at us. Mainly me. I realised I was still wet. Then a group of guys were passing by staring at me. There was one person in that group I recognized. He was in a suit. I was still hugging my friend when I went back to the bathroom. Se was still outside the bathroom, just waiting for me. The girls inside were long gone. And I was trying to dry myself up. I went outside to check up on my friend and he was there. The guy in the suit. I was stunned. My heart was beating so fast. I was still pretty aware that I was still wet and showing alot of stuff. He came up to me. Yea, I knew him. He was from my school, the most popular there. He was in my math class, and yea we would talk. But only about math. I never knew. What he said totally surprised me. " I really did love you."
When you used to lay on your friends shoulder I always wished it was me. But I was engaged to her. It was before I met you. I loved you. You know that now." By then I was crying. "No I didn't. I thought you were lying. We're just friends. All the times I was staring at you, you never started back. I didn't know. You didn't tell me." He said "I'm telling you now, I love you. And I always will. But I can't do anything about it because I'm getting married. It was a promise and I can't break it." By then I was sobbing, and he gave me his jacket. He said "I love you" and I shut the door. I was sobbing and I was so overwhelmed and I realised I will never see him again and how I won't be able to talk to him again and then I opened the door. That's when he kissed me. My first kiss, it was surreal. And I was still crying, the kiss was warm it warmed my body, I could still smell is cologne; he smelled nice and then he left. I cried. My heart broke.

T.T keep dreaming...

edit:8:26 PM
screw it. I typed it up like 4 times and everytime it gets to a good part it skips. whatever. just comment me if you want to hear the rest.

to someone.

YOU DON'T NEED TO FUCKING TAKE IT OUT ON EVERYONE I KNOW. IF YOU JUST WANT TO IGNORE ME FINE THEN. JUST IGNORE ME. NOT EVERYONE ELSE I LOVE. MY FRIENDS HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT WAS GOING ON BETWEEN YOU AND ME. FINE GO AHEAD AND BITCH ABOUT IT BECAUSE IN THE FUCKING END IM GOING TO GET OVER YOU. DON'T FUCKING PISS EVERYONE OFF BECAUSE YOUR FUCKING PISSED AT ME. IGNORE ME IF YOU WANT BUT DON'T FUCKING HURT THE PEOPLE I LOVE.

my weekend [insert adj. here]

I saw POTC 3 on Saturday with my sis and bro. It was awesome. Like awesome as in the perfect end to the trilogy of POTC. Not only was the visual effects awesome, the script, the characters, the comedy at the most randomest times. IT WAS AWESOME!!!! THE TICKETS cost like only $5!!! I'm only seeing my movies from that theatre from now on. It was awesome...and there was like almost no one there. It was like a private screening of POTC 3. And I am watching it again this Wednesday~! YAY!

to the jazz player across the street.

To the jazz player across the street.
I know you like playing your sax. But please it is 10:36 in the night. Please be considerate of people around you and shut up. Not that I have anything against jazz players you are really talented but stop playing in the night time!!!!!!!

Going over the edge.

I feel like a failure. I'm seriously losing it. I feel so worn out right now. I'm failing everything from math to spanish to science. I keep thinking, Lisa you can do better than this. But it's not happening. I don't think I'm trying hard enough. It's just that I don't know how? Is that possible? Not knowing how to try harder and keep pushing yourself. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Is it because I procrastinate too much? I only procrastinate to a certain limit. Like I do my homework and study for tests. It's like even though if I study I still won't be able to pass with the mark I like. Even if I study alot I still wont be able to pass with the mark I like. I'm up to the limit I don't think I can handle school anymore. But I love learning. I love learning new languages and new idea and help think of new ideas to make the world more efficient fo living. But at the rate I'm going, I dont think I will be able to do anyone any good. For once I would like my 3.2 GPA back. Is that so much to ask for?

Asian American/Asian Culture

I hate when people discriminate against Asian and Asian American culture. Especially when it's ones culture one is discriminating. It is like burying ones culture. For example: I already know some people who don't even realize their own culture and beliefs and instead try to be someone else. There are people in my school who don't realize what type of nationality they are let alone speak it. Their native tongue is English rather than Mandarin or Cantonese. Is it really possible that if one lived in America their entire lives they were raised in a culture that is not the same as their parents, is it really possible to have your culture disappear just like that?
My brother born here like me raised in a home where Chinese culture flourishes, does not know how to speak Chinese let alone write it. I would think that Chinese parents would actually encourage Chinese culture in their household but I see some students in my high school who doesn't even care about their culture. They are making fun of the styles, the food, the holidays. It's the same thing with adults. In the past I used to have two Asian American teachers in elementary school. Both of them don't speak chinese and sometimes act more american than chinese. Look at today society Chinese restraunts aren't even chinese restraunts. Their more like americanized chinese restraunts.

complicated.

I don't know about some people. But I think love is complicated. complicated and difficult. If you like the person and the person doesn't like you, doesn't it feel like your heart just breaks into a million pieces? And you have to pick the pieces back up and put it back together one by one. I think it's just too tiring and too much work. Unrequited love. A person that never loves you back or even likes you for that matter. I don't know about you but unrequited love it the worst thing in the world. When you love somebody and they don't love you back.

winter

Winter. Need I say more? The cold, snow,ice. This morning I was taking the bus to school, because I had lab this morning I woke up around 7:30 in the morning. I know that isn't a big deal to the few people who read my blog out there, but what you don't know is that I'm not a morning person, I'm the least morning person you know, I get cranky when my sister opens the shade in the morning and tried to wake me up. Because I live in New York and my high school is like two towns away I had to take the bus to school. What you don't realize is that this morning it was cold, it was snowing, and HAILING, yes this morning was hailing, I was so pissed off. I tried asking my dad to drive me to school but his car was at the mechanics. It wasn't a really good morning. You could say that is was the worst morning imaginable. Not only did I have to take the bus to school, I wore converse to school. Now you know that converse aren't the typical shoes to wear on a snow/hailing day. My toes were COLD. I didn't get the feeling back in my feet until 6th period. I hate the snow. and hail. and winter. I want to move to a warmer state.

...parents and some other stuffs.

Parents you can't live with them and you can't live without them. They lecture you at the most random times. For example my mom is currently right beside me chatting about how I should sleep more early for SAT prep. Another topic I want to discuss. Why must parents constantly spend money for tutoring and SAT prep? My parents spend more than $2000 dollars every year just for tutoring. Yes I can see that higher education is a must in this growing society. Especially Asian parents. I've seen a number of Asian parents that pressure Asian kids to go above the standard.
But aside from the topic I just found out that my friends mom had died. I myself had never experienced death. So I really don't know how I feel about it. But I really feel bad for him because it's his mom and I would probably think that the world would end for me if my mom had died. To my surprise though he is taking it really well.
On to another topic...Fencing practice was REALLY brutal. Emphasis on BRUTAL. It was brutal but fun though, because I enjoy fencing and plus the foil is really cool.But afterwards I was so tired I just went home and fell asleep therefore pushing aside my homework and two quizzes. Not such a great idea. I woke up this morning feeling like crap. I could hardly move my body and if I could it was only my neck. My muscles were so sore.

It's 12:02 in the morning.

It's 12:02 in the morning and I'm still not asleep. Not the best choice for a high school sophomore. Especially when I have fencing tryouts tomorrow. It's not exactly the best time to create a blog. But I decided to create one anyways. Still haven't finished my homework yet. And without the Internet I could probably finish my homework in less than an hour, but instead I'm still blogging.

In class yesterday. I happen to notice something really unusual in my theatre class. My teacher apparently likes picking on me because I can't make animal voices. Which is true I'd rather laugh at the people who make the noises than make it with them. It's annoying because I have a perfect way of making the noise but I lose it when the teacher calls on me. It's most annoying.
Math class isn't any better. I happen to ask a guy in my class to copy homework. Boy was that wrong, he apparently charges people to copy homework from him. Let me tell you he isn't the most brightest guy in class and his handwriting is chicken scratch, so I was exrememly suprised when he said "Lisa you owe me $1.50 for homework." At first I thought he was joking because he is the type of guy to joke but then he had serious expression on his face like he wasn't joking. So now I owe the guy $1.50. boo.
Apparently Karma likes to get back at me for doing immoral stuffs. -___-