Comparing

I can't help it. I have to compare. I was raised like that. Comparing with others. I blame my mom. When I see my friends courses, or what they're taking...I can't help but ask...why am not taking the same classes as them? Why are they taking more aps than me? While I am taking none. I feel..so embarrassed sometimes because I can't match up to their level. This always happens.It happened in middle school and also in elementary school. I feel that even if I work harder than them, they will always be further and reach higher than me.

omg so busy...

I am so busy today...but I have to post this poem up because its really good.
It's by my friend Nick. Read it! *one of my favorite poems by him. =D*

There's this girl that I wanted very much,
But afraid to hold, afraid to clutch,
Try to forget her, but I really cant,
Stuck in my mind, she implant.

There's this girl, that I wanted to hold,
To keep company with, whenever shes cold,
But I can't do it, I'm not ready yet,
Little did I know that later I'll regret.

Sooner or later, I have to ask,
Take off this pretending mask,
Sooner or later I have to tell,
The feeling I had for you, I can't expel.

Alas! On the day where I had my bravery,
Down came a terrible tragedy,
For in the newspaper I read,
That the girl I loved is dead...

Guilt and sorrow flood through my mind,
Asking myself, Why is God so unkind?
I finally came up with a decision,
No matter how hard, I try I will fulfill my perfect vision.

With my knife ready in one hand,
Ready for the pain, I will withstand,
A slash, a crash, and down I came,
Seems like my whole body is in flame.

My task is now accomplished,
My pain, my sorrow, all vanquished,
I followed you, till after death,
I loved you till my very last breath...

-Nick Choy

TO THE PERSON WHO IS PLAYING HIS F-ING STEREO WAYY TO F-ING LOUD!

OMFG SHUT THE FUCK UP. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT TIME IT IS? PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP!!!!!!!!!! SHUT YOUR FUCKING STEREO OFF ALREADY! WHO THE FUCK PLAYS IT SO LOUD DURING THE NIGHTTIME? ITS NOT EVEN GOOD MUSIC !!!!!SHUT UP ALREADY!!!!!!!!

"Top Friends"?

Just now I was wondering why everyone cares some much about "Top Friends". You see in on myspace and facebook. And lately it's just become really annoying. I mean now there is also competition between friends too? I think that is just messed up. I refuse to number my friends in the order that they are. I treat everyone of my friends with the same respect they treat me. I am their friends because I can talk to them the same why they talk to me. It's stupid to come up with idiotic idea such as "Top Friends".

4 day weekend yay!

=D It's a four day weekend. I am so happy. =D I can't stop smiling. =D Because it a 4 day weekend. =D omgsh I love vacations. =D So yea todays the first day of my weekend. Not doing much except sitting on my bed with my laptop staring out my window right now in the afternoon. It's really nice. I love my view. Although some people would say that it's a bad view of the parking lot. >.> I would say that it's a really nice view of the city. Because when I look up I see the clear blue sky. =D Even though today is a really nice day. I'd rather spend it inside with my laptop. =D That's because I love my Asian dramas. Today there are no worries except sitting on my bed and watching dramas on crunchyroll and veoh. =D

...6 years ago...

...It's been 6 years since it happened...I still remember the day it happened.

2100! That is my dream score. And I need to face reality...that I am not going to get a score that high! It's too tough. Yes, it is possible, I will need to sacrfice alot of things. Such as my friends, my social life, and my dramas. I am stressed about it, but I seem to make no effort to study or anything. Is it because, I'm lazy. But even if I try to make an effort, I will still not understand it.


...I'm stuck in a room with the walls closing in on me...

>.<...gahhhh

My mind is spinning, not in a good way. I feel like I'm going over the ledge of a big rollercoaster not knowing what happens next.
...I'm living it right now. What I have been imagining for the past 15 years...colleges, university, AP classes, SATs, classes. It's all happening, and as much as I really want to care right now...I feel stuck, like I'm here but no one is here to help me. so much pressure...and lately I've been having dreams...of me on the fire escape looking down and then falling...stress...gahhh it's getting to me...
Why do "we" live in a society where there is such competition?