hang up

so i called my dad yesterday. the convo went somewhat like this...
dad: hello?
me: hi...is ah ming there? (ah ming: dad's name)
dad: who's calling?
me: oh...it's lisa.
(no response) (hangs up)
....end call.

wow. and i started crying. called my friend told him about it and then cried some more.

you know i don't even understand why i should ask him for help. he's selfish and inconsiderate. why did i even bother calling him?

this is really stupid; im over this. i need to do this myself from now on. i need to make this work for me and my family.


I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY SHE WON'T SELL THE FUCKING PlACE!

it would make all our lives much easier and i can live without worrying about if we're going to pay the bills ontime or not.

loop de loop

so recentl¥ been thinking why i don't post on my blog anymore. i mean it's been the only place where i can rant and be depressed and whine. normal people can only deal with so much. and ive realised that what im going through i need this place to rant even more.
even though is mid july and i have classes and semi-attempting to have a life. things in my life have slowly started turning for the worst.

sometimes i wish that my dad didn't leave. and that he should have been an adult and be mature about it and talk it out. now i don't know where he is; what is he doing; is he alright? my dad has been popping up in my head more recently. with all the stuff going on in my life, how can i not think about my dad and how much i blame him for all this.
i want to call my dad and see what he has to say for the situation he has put us through. I NEED TO KNOW.

it's just really tough to grow up so fast; and not able to be a normal college girl who has time to spend doing nothing. responsibilities suck.