hang up

so i called my dad yesterday. the convo went somewhat like this...
dad: hello?
me: hi...is ah ming there? (ah ming: dad's name)
dad: who's calling?
me: oh...it's lisa.
(no response) (hangs up)
....end call.

wow. and i started crying. called my friend told him about it and then cried some more.

you know i don't even understand why i should ask him for help. he's selfish and inconsiderate. why did i even bother calling him?

this is really stupid; im over this. i need to do this myself from now on. i need to make this work for me and my family.


I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY SHE WON'T SELL THE FUCKING PlACE!

it would make all our lives much easier and i can live without worrying about if we're going to pay the bills ontime or not.

loop de loop

so recentl¥ been thinking why i don't post on my blog anymore. i mean it's been the only place where i can rant and be depressed and whine. normal people can only deal with so much. and ive realised that what im going through i need this place to rant even more.
even though is mid july and i have classes and semi-attempting to have a life. things in my life have slowly started turning for the worst.

sometimes i wish that my dad didn't leave. and that he should have been an adult and be mature about it and talk it out. now i don't know where he is; what is he doing; is he alright? my dad has been popping up in my head more recently. with all the stuff going on in my life, how can i not think about my dad and how much i blame him for all this.
i want to call my dad and see what he has to say for the situation he has put us through. I NEED TO KNOW.

it's just really tough to grow up so fast; and not able to be a normal college girl who has time to spend doing nothing. responsibilities suck.

to whom this is directed to.

i am so sick and tired of everyday having to listen to your bs. i wish you can go to hell sometimes. you are not at all a good person. i hate the way you tease me and bully me. i hate the way you call me names, i hate the way that you tell me what to do. you can go to fucking hell. is that how you treat a person. what the hell is wrong with you?? you know what your problem is its that you treat people the way you do because you want to be above other people but you know what? you are still a fucking loser. so get over yourself and grow some fucking balls. i hate working with you. i hate standing with you 24/7. i hate you in general. you fucking make me sick.
you are a asshole and you will always be one. no wonder why everyone hates you so fucking much. go to fucking hell and burn there.



okay im better now. rant done.