this week was so horrible. there was rain. clouds. tears. lonliness. sadness. All i wanted to do was lie in my bed and cry. And I did that on thursday night.
maybe i should start from the beginning.
monday-was okay. thought nothing of it...it was a monday. im always cranky on a monday.
tuesday- the day i got my report card. as expected math and chem wasnt so good. the day my english teacher gave out recommendations to AP Lit. THE CLASS I REALLY REALLY wanted to get into.
wed- I found out that ONLY 3 PEOPLE IN MY CLASS got into it. One was this guy who sits behind me, he...i try harder than him and he still gets in. wtf?! i feel like no matter how hard I try I will never get anything I want. I also went to my dad's AA meeting. it was yea....i had to translate for him. I left early because he told me to. but then he called me and told me to come back. SO I HAD TO RUN 6 BLOCKS BACK TO FLUSHING. >.< not fun...
thurs-was really depressed throughout the entire day. everyone noticed. i wanted to cry. finally when my mom asked me what was wrong i broke down and told her what was wrong. how i didn't get into AP Lit and I tried my best and I still didn't get in. And how I was so disappointed in myself. I cried throughout the entire night.
Fri- still depressed...eyes were swollen in the morning. didn't want to go to school, but still had to. realised that i really don't have any AP's next year. and how its going to look on my high school record. and that just made me more depressed. caught a cold while trying to buy pizza to cheer myself up. cancelled friends meeting. didn't want to go to the rumors play even though i heard it was awesome.
sat- still depressed. all i wanted to do was sleep. so skipped econ class, which wasn't a good idea since i'm failing the class. and just sneezed and coughed and moped around all day.
today- still sick but a little better. i keep beating myself up about this class. i mean i should have tried harder. i know i was giving my best, but if giving my best means rejection what is going to happen if i try for something else...
i hate life.
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2 comments:
If only three people got in, then don't feel so bad about it. It's better than everyone but you getting in.
You don't necessarily need to take APs to be admitted into college. It helps because I think it counts for college credit? But it IS possible to get into college without having taken APs in high school.
We'll see each other next next Friday. I wish you'd come to the art show at Bayside; there was a lot of great work there. It was fun being with Jolie and her friends.
ily!
Dearest Lisa-
If I told you that I understand your week would you believe me? I too have experienced disappointment, loss of faith, and low self-esteem? And, being a teenager is difficult enough, don't beat yourself over things that you don't have control over. Feel the disappointment, but it is just one disappointment. You will have a long life, and if you let every little setback challenge who you would like to be or who you think you are, then it will be a struggle to carry on. Everyone has setbacks, struggles, and disappointments. The ability to bounce back is important and necessary.
If I told you that your depression is understandable considering everything that is going on in your life? It is expected that your grades would suffered this term.
Finally, AP classes are not important. It's a privilege and an honor to be selected, but it is not an litmus test of your academic future, a statement of your intelligence, or judgment of who you are. When you feel better, you will realize that all it meant is that the teacher didn't think you were ready to take the class next year. Since most student don't take APlit until they are 18/19, you are not behind the curve of the majority of the highschool students in the country.
Additionally, AP classes doesn't matter because unless you score a 4 or 5 on the exam, you will have to take the class anyway.
Anyway, hugs, let's talk more when i am in town.
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