hang up

so i called my dad yesterday. the convo went somewhat like this...
dad: hello?
me: hi...is ah ming there? (ah ming: dad's name)
dad: who's calling?
me: oh...it's lisa.
(no response) (hangs up)
....end call.

wow. and i started crying. called my friend told him about it and then cried some more.

you know i don't even understand why i should ask him for help. he's selfish and inconsiderate. why did i even bother calling him?

this is really stupid; im over this. i need to do this myself from now on. i need to make this work for me and my family.


I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY SHE WON'T SELL THE FUCKING PlACE!

it would make all our lives much easier and i can live without worrying about if we're going to pay the bills ontime or not.

loop de loop

so recentl¥ been thinking why i don't post on my blog anymore. i mean it's been the only place where i can rant and be depressed and whine. normal people can only deal with so much. and ive realised that what im going through i need this place to rant even more.
even though is mid july and i have classes and semi-attempting to have a life. things in my life have slowly started turning for the worst.

sometimes i wish that my dad didn't leave. and that he should have been an adult and be mature about it and talk it out. now i don't know where he is; what is he doing; is he alright? my dad has been popping up in my head more recently. with all the stuff going on in my life, how can i not think about my dad and how much i blame him for all this.
i want to call my dad and see what he has to say for the situation he has put us through. I NEED TO KNOW.

it's just really tough to grow up so fast; and not able to be a normal college girl who has time to spend doing nothing. responsibilities suck.

to whom this is directed to.

i am so sick and tired of everyday having to listen to your bs. i wish you can go to hell sometimes. you are not at all a good person. i hate the way you tease me and bully me. i hate the way you call me names, i hate the way that you tell me what to do. you can go to fucking hell. is that how you treat a person. what the hell is wrong with you?? you know what your problem is its that you treat people the way you do because you want to be above other people but you know what? you are still a fucking loser. so get over yourself and grow some fucking balls. i hate working with you. i hate standing with you 24/7. i hate you in general. you fucking make me sick.
you are a asshole and you will always be one. no wonder why everyone hates you so fucking much. go to fucking hell and burn there.



okay im better now. rant done.

trying to study in the library. >.>

okay, you know how studying in the library is suppose to help you concentrate and everything?? not really helping seriously my thought are not even on the subject, and this is a topic i really need to have at least a 85 in order to pass this class. now, where the hell am i suppose to study huh??

to whom may it concern

okay i understand when there is a boundary crossed. but honestly i really am pissed off at you and your gf. i understand when you two need some alone time and what not. but when the situation comes to the fact that me and amy and eric ASKED you to come with us to the movies and lunch and you said no. that just really hurt me. and i treat you as a fucking older brother and whatever. and you know what that is going to fucking change. from now on you are nothing to me and you always will be. what the hell was i thinking introducing you to my brother and sister, obviously you weren't good enough for them and uuggh and to think i trusted you with them. and you need to realise that forget camping and forget doing anything together ever again because that is it. i have never felt so betrayed in my whole life and i trusted you alot.

exhausted

im fucking tired of it all. its become fucking ridiculous. i want to fucking move out. i dont fucking care where. the farther the better. im fucking carrying all the responsibilities and work and im fucking tired of it all. i don't fucking want people to give me pity crap. I dont fucking want people to give me bull crap. I don't want fucking people to give me advice on how to deal with it.
all i need is my fucking freedom and i dont even fucking have that. what i need is people to get off my fucking back. im doing what im suppose to do arent i. Im making money and im fucking going to school right. then what the fuck is with these peoples attitudes.
ive already sacrificed my social life, my friends, my LIFE in GENERAL. so GET OFF MY ASS ON IT. i dont even have time for myself anymore. and dont even include my siblings. they aren't the problem. the problem is that I HAVE TO GET AWAY. i dont fucking care how im going i just want to get away from it all.


....okay done ranting. im fine now.

Out of touch

Recently, I've been out of touch with reality. My family has been very distant from me. Or I have been very distant from my family. Everyone has things to do now especially me, so there hasn't been anytime to spend with my family. Both my brother and sister haven't been acting so lazy. They haven't been doing their chores or their homework or even helping my mom out. I know school started and everything and they have alot of school work but honestly they can't even take the time to do chores help keep the apartment clean. It's already hard enough to live in a small space. But in a small dirty space. I know in the past I was lenient but they should know that they need to help out also. They just don't.My brother is the worst. He doesn't even listen. Both nicely and scolding wise. It just doesn't work. And honestly speaking I think that both my sister and brother need a reality check. I can only deal with so much.