confusion...perhaps true?

my entire family is messed up, seriously. i thought my family was a nice normal type of family. today i learned a big secret my parents have kept from me my entire life. everything is unraveling right now. the way i look at my parents now is so different. im so confused, i hear two different sides of the story and now i dont know which one is right. my life is right now so...MESSED UP. why does it have to be so chaotic at a time like this? i find out in this point in my life i have an older sister that i NEVER KNEW ABOUT. i hear two different sides of the same story. my mom is married to two people at the same time? she has a family in malaysia? is that why she doesnt want to return? how can she leave my sister over there in malaysia? if i ever meet her; will she be mean or nice to me? i've never seen her ever. and i want to see her; really badly. i wonder what will happen when we meet face to face? will she look at me with pure hatred? or welcome me with open arms. I FIND OUT THAT I HAVE A HALF SISTER MY ENTIRE LIFE. does my mom really have another family in malaysia? what is she chose my sister over me? would i have been in the same situation as she is now? if my mom chose her over me i would've been the one who was motherless...i really cant imagine because my father is so helpless.
what am i going to do? there is so many things going on. i just want to run away from it all.

T___T

i see my future flashing beofre my eyes. T__T is all going down the drain. why did i know study for the SATs? im so stupid. really really really stupid. omgsh i feel so stupid right now. T____T i really really hate my score. i expected to do so much better. T___T i did worse on my sats than on the psats? DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?! i feel so stupid.

TO THE FUCKING BITCH WHO BROKE UP MY FAMILY.

HEY BITCH. IF I EVER MEET YOU IN THE STREETS YOU BETTER WATCH YOUR BACK ILL SCREW UP YOUR GOD DAMN FACE SO MUCH THAT YOU WONT EVEN BE ABLE TO LOOK AT YOUR FUGLY FACE ANYMORE. YOU THINK YOU'RE ALL THAT BREAKING UP MY FAMILY? WATCH YOUR BACK BITCH, YOU REALLY HAVE IT COMMING. IF I EVER MEET YOU IN THE STREET; YOU WILL SURELY REGRET RUINING MY FAMILY. YOU BITCH.. WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! I HOPE THAT WHEN I MEET YOU; MY DAD WONT BE THERE BECAUSE THAT WAY I CAN FUCKING THROW ACID IN YOUR GODDAMM FACE SO EVEN MY DAD WONT BE ABLE TO THINK YOU'RE FUCKING PRETTY ANYMORE. YOU'RE FUCKING HORRIBLE. YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT; I HOPE YOU FUCKING GO TO HELL. BECAUSE IF YOUR DONT ILL FUCKING SEND YOU THERE.

LITTLE DO YOU KNOW I ALREADY KNOW WHO YOU ARE...I HAVE YOUR PHONE NUMBER AND I KNOW YOU LIVE IN ELEMHERST. I KNOW YOUR CHINESE AND I KNOW YOU SHOP AT DAFFY'S. I'VE SEEN YOUR FUGLY FACE AND IF I EVER SEE YOU IN FLUSHING OR ANYWHERE...YOU WILL NOT LIVE TO SEE THE FUCKING NEXT DAY.

to shim changmin oppa~

CHANGMIN OPPA. Happy Birthday! you'll be 20 this year right? stay healthy and dont overwork too much. i dont need to worry about you as much because i know you are okay. oppa! dont abuse jaejoong oppa too much! because you are much stronger than him. although if he hits you its okay to hit him back! ^__^ oppa, remember to protect your voice okay? i dont want you to lose your voice because the other oppas cant reach as high a note as you. =D study english changmin-ah~ because that way i can see TVXQ in the US. ^__^

sick!

at home during the first FULL week of school. T___T i really did not want to be home today. i had to get back my ap form for psychology take a quiz for both science and math. T__T i wanted to change this semester also. T__T
but this morning i went to bed at 2 and when i tried to get up at 6 this big wave of nausea came over me. T____T i got a fever and i wasnt allowed to leave the bed. T___T
i finally woke up around 2 in the afternoon. and now i really want to take my quizzes and get back my psych form. T___T

Message to Yunho oppa~!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! or HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!
YUNHO~ah!Saranghaeyo. Be healthy and stay away from anti-fans. Have fun this year, don't work too hard. We'll be here cheering for you! ^^ Take care of your voice. DON'T GET SICK! YunHo Oppa fighting! =D Don't tease Junsu oppa too much, he's sensitive too!